Crys, Crystal, Rock, and Mineral (crystalreport) wrote in kingdom_spork,
Crys, Crystal, Rock, and Mineral
crystalreport
kingdom_spork

It's baaack!!!

Title: Organization XIII’s Day at the Mall
Author: Asthetic
Rating: : : : One for the situation, two for the overly OOC-d characters, and three for the fact that the author probably forgot that the Organization XIII members are Nobodies.
Full Name (including any titles): All of Organization XIII, mainly Axel, Zexion, Larxene, Demyx, Marluxia, and Roxas, as well as a Mary Sue for each of them (excluding Larxene)
Full Species(es): the Bodysnatchers: these creatures take the Nobody skins of the Org XIII members and parade around as them
Hair Color (include adjectives): Presumed canon, except for the Sues, which have weird hair colors like lavender and blue
Eye Color (include adjectives): Presumed canon, excpet for the Mary Sues
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: none, except for the Mary Sues. One of them has a fire tattoo on her hand, which Axel falls instantly in love with…
Special Possessions (if any): Clothes that Xenmas would have never allowed them to wear, cell phones, cars, need I say more?
Origin: the depths of Canon hell
Connections To Canon Characters: Axel left his wallet in the mall and someone stole all their identities, I swear!
Special Abilities: In 358/2 Days, there’s a bonus game where you can use Organization members to shop in the Mall that Never Existed. Tasks range from finding magical sitar strings in the instrument store to finding a girl in the mall that matches that member’s personality. For example, an emo girl for Zexion, a DDR queen wannabe for Axel, etc.
Other Annoying Traits: The fact that they attract Mary Sues like flies to honey.

I Say/Notes: If you thought the first part was bad, wait until you see this part. At least it doesn’t have a lot of grammar problems.

First part in case you missed it

 

Our normal sporking team, Marluxia, Axel, Demyx, and Zexion are back, along with a very depressed Roxas.

 

Axel: Come on, Roxas. Cheer up. I’ll be here for you for “emotional” support.

Roxas: I don’t need “emotional support” Axel. I just hate these things in general.

Marluxia: *pauses* Wait, this isn’t…

Zexion: It’s Organization XIII goes to the mall, yes. *grabs his shoulder* You’re suffering with me.

Marluxia: *still has horrible memories from last time*

Demyx: Okay, let’s begin the spork!

 

In the lower level of the castle, the older members continued with what they were doing. Saïx had stopped cleaning his weapon, putting it away.

“It’s quiet,” He said,

 

Axel: *as Xenmas* …too quiet.

Demyx: And then Kingdom Hearts blew up unexpectedly, destroying the World That Never Was. The End.

 

 everybody raising their heads to the sound of someone talking unexpectedly.

“Isn’t it?” Xaldin said, laying his cards onto the smooth, silver table. “Those kids aren’t making any noise for once.”

“Full house,” Luxord said showing his cards to Lexaeus and Xaldin. They both sighed and turned in. Luxord smirked, pleased that he once again won the card game.

Xemnas looked up at the ceiling and listened, hearing footsteps coming down the stairs. He sighed hearing the younger members chatting loudly.

“Well they were,” He said. The older members looked around, hearing the footsteps and loud chatting. They all sighed. Well, at least they got some quiet time.

 

Axel: Is it just me, or do the members sound like they’re old geezers or something?

Roxas: *as Xenmas* When I was your age, I had to walk up to Kingdom Hearts in the snow with bare feet, uphill both ways!

 

Axel, who was in a hurry to get out of the castle, was on the railing of the stairs, sliding down them. He was laughing, enjoying himself a little more. Larxene scoffed at him. Sometimes he acted to childish. They came to the end of the stairs, jumping off the steps, well, in Axel’s case flying off the rail. He tried getting balance back, using Roxas as support.

“You done yet?” Zexion asked. “If you want to have more time there, I suggest you quit dilly dallying.”

Axel walked past him, only glancing at Zexion playfully. Roxas followed by Axel’s side.

“Dilly Dally Shilly Shally,” Axel said, smirking to himself.

 

Demyx: HEY EVERYONE!! AXEL IS TIFA LOCKHART!!!

Axel: NO, I AM NOT!!! *Ca-chakram!*

Zexion: When did this turn into Advent Children?

Roxas: Just wait. Soon they’ll have Cloud randomly on a motorcycle with three silver-haired guys stalking him.

 

Zexion shook his head and followed the rest of them.

 

Sporker’s Note: The next paragraph will blow your brains out, seriously. *is using brain bleach* Read with Extreme Caution.

 

Xemnas watched as the motley crew of the younger members pile into the living room. Each of them, to his surprise, had changed out of their coats and into their more casual clothes. Larxene wore a pair of black, skin tight jeans that were ripped at the knee. The rips were covered by pink fish netting and had ragged edges as their border. She wore a red Hollister shirt which was layered over by a black tank which had the print of a skull with cross bones under it. She had a black purse with the playboy bunny marks on it on her shoulder. Her shoes wear pink and black vans that added to her creative appearance. Marluxia had on a pink t-shirt that read “Only Tough Guys Wear Pink.” His jeans were simple baggy jeans that had holes at the knees as well as Larxene’s. He had on a silver ring that was shaped like a rose. His shoes were green and brown striped flats that made his appearance bright and flowery. Demyx had on a short jean jacket over a plain white tee. His jeans were similar to Marluxia’s, just without the rips. His shoes were regular tennis shoes with blue stripes on the heels and bottom. Zexion was wearing a pair of black jeans that seemed just the right fit. He wore a hoodie that had one half of a heart on one side and the other part of the heart on the other side. Written in the broken heart were the words heartbreakers. Under the hoodie was a black and white striped skin tight shirt that only showed a little. Zexion had put on black eyeliner to make him look even more gothic. His shoes were black vans and all of it was completely black. Axel was a little festive with his clothes. He wore a short sleeved, lavender feeling black hoodie with a long sleeved red and black striped shirt under it. His hands were covered with black fishnets, holding onto his skin. His jeans were dark, dark blue, almost black. Shoes were plaid chucks with white shoelaces that were double knotted. Roxas, well, Roxas was wearing the clothes you see him wear in Twilight Town.

 

Everyone: *gapes*

Marluxia: ...”Only Tough Guys Wear Pink”?! Missy, just because my hair and scythe are pink doesn’t mean I’m obsessed over it!

Axel: … I have fishnets?! *is too shocked to give a wisecrack or sarcastic remark*

Zexion: … A hoodie with half a heart on each side? How creative. But eyeliner? Sorry, NO. *he’s smirking at Axel’s fishnet predicament*

Demyx: …Where did we get all these clothes anyways?

Roxas: *feels lucky that he at least is in his IC clothes*

 

Xemnas raised one of his eyebrows wondering what the occasion was. It wasn’t everyday he saw them in their regular everyday clothes.

“May I ask where you six are going?” He asked, sophisticated. Axel tossed a piece of his red hair out of his eyes.

“A Mall,” He told Xemnas. Luxord looked rather interested.

 

Axel: It’s not just as important as the Mall.

Marluxia: Well, if you think of it, Xenmas wouldn’t be as interested if Kingdom Hearts was called kingdom hearts, now would he?

 

 “A Mall?” He asked, interested about what it was.

“Yeah, it’s a big building with a lot of shops in it,” Marluxia told them.

Xigbar had taken off his headphones, trying to hear the conversation. He was just in the middle of the song “Welcome to the Jungle” but didn’t mind stopping.

“Can we please go Xemnas?” Larxene pleaded, looking anxious to buy new accessories. “Please?”

Xemnas sighed. They were really this bored.

“You will all be back at twelve o’clock,” He told them. Each of the younger members felt triumphant, yet surprised that Xemnas was letting them go. Demyx let out a small yes as he heard the news. He could probably get that new sitar string he really, really needed.

 

Demyx: I’m smart enough to know that they do not sell sitar strings to magical weapons in malls.

Roxas: We’re probably going to the Mall That Never Existed.

 

They all grabbed their wallets, bags, and whatever else they were bringing and headed out the doors to the garage where their cars sat, waiting to start.

Xemnas sighed in relief, long with the other members. Now the house would stay quiet for what would seem like forever.

The young rebellious teens rushed outside and into the garage.

 

Axel: We have a garage… wait, WHAT!? *reads sentence again*

Marluxia: I’m a TEEN?! I’m at least over 20 years of age!

Demyx: *is now seriously doubting his own age*

Zexion: *facepalm* What has this world come to?

 

Roxas flipped the switches, lighting up the room, showing the colorful collection of cars. Each with its owner’s favorite colors as its skin. Larxene laid her hand on top of her golden Volkswagen that was shining in the light.

“Each of us will take our own cars,” She said.

 

Roxas: Why couldn’t we just teleport there? It’s easier.

Axel: And with the gas prices these days…

 

She forgot about how Roxas was only fifteen, without a license or permit. She also forgot the fact that Marluxia had totaled his car and at the moment didn’t have it with him but at a shop.

 

Marluxia: How do I total a car that I never owned? Let’s consult Dr.Zexion for the answer.

Zexion: *decides to play along* Well, Marluxia, in the mind of this author, you have a car. She also made you total the car in her mind as well. Therefore, the car is only a figment of her imagination and it never happened.

Marluxia: Thank you, Dr.Zexion. Now we go back to our regularly scheduled show of Canon Hell.

 

“What about Roxas and Marluxia?” Demyx asked, “They don’t have cars.”

“I’ll take Roxas!” Axel volunteered, honking the horn on his wheel. Roxas already knew he would be riding in Axel’s red lambo.

 

Demyx: What’s a lambo?

Roxas: For some strange reason, I’m imagining a mix between a limbo and a lamb.

Axel: Or, it’s Dumbo’s little known cousin twice removed.

 

 He did a dukes of hazzard slide over the hood of Axel’s car and jumped into shot gun.

 

Roxas: I jumped into a gun. Thank Darkness; I’m not alive anymore for the rest of this fic.

Demyx: *reading ahead* Actually, that just means you jumped into the seat next to Axel.

Roxas: You just had to go ahead and ruin the fun, didn’t you?

 

“Hey, Demyx!” Roxas yelled, “Why don’t you come with me and Axel? C’mon!”

Axel looked through the window on Roxas’ side honking the horn on his wheel again.

“C’mon, Demyx!” Roxas yelled again. Demyx smiled. He loved riding in his blue jeep, but he didn’t like being in a car all alone much. He turned and ran to Axel’s flaming red car, hopping into the backseat.

Larxene turned her head away from the best friends and the Melodious Nocturne, looking back at Marluxia. She sighed, signaling Marluxia to get in shot gun.

 

Marluxia: I am seriously imagining that we have guns in our cars now.

Axel: Why would we be gun smugglers? Such an exciting life we lead, don’t we?

Zexion: That’s not us. Those are people wearing our Nobody skins.

 

“Get in,” She said. Marluxia grinned, opening the cars passenger door. He hopped in shutting the door behind him. Larxene rolled her eyes at the flower loving man and turned her attention to Zexion who was sitting in his black mustang.

 

Axel: Oh, you flower-loving man, you!

Marluxia: *Sa-scythe!*

Zexion: Why do I have a horse? What the hell?

Demyx: …So the horse swallowed you?

Axel: *recovering from scythe* It’s a CAR, people. A Mustang is a car.

Everyone else: Ohhh.

Axel: Why do I have to tell you these things?

 

 Larxene put her head through the window that was on the driver’s side. “You know where it is, don’t you?”

“Yes, I know where I’m going,” He told her. He turned the volume up a little on his cars radio. 30 Seconds to Mars was playing. Zexion’s favorite band.

 

Zexion: *covering his ears with horrified look on his face* Please. Turn. That. Off.

Axel: But Zexion, I thought you liked emo rock bands!

Zexion: Just because my hair covers half of my face does not mean I’m EMO.

 

 “Tell everybody to just follow me.”

Larxene nodded and told everybody in Axel’s car the plan.

“So, you’re saying follow Zexion?” Axel asked.

“Yeah,” Larxene replied, stressing out the word yeah. Axel looked away from Larxene and through the front window, shaking his head.

“Hope we don’t get lost,” He said.

 

Axel: *as himself* … Because Zexion, you have a horrible sense of direction.

Zexion: Only comes from staying most of the year in the lowest floor of an insanely huge castle.

 

 Larxene slapped the back of his head, though not as roughly as she normally did.

 

Roxas: Awwww, Axel, she likes you!!

Axel: *is withholding the urge to chakram his best friend*

Roxas: And I bet that within her entirely sadistic heart, she has the feeling of love blossom for you.

Axel: *Ca-chakram!* I don’t care if you are my best friend, saying anything else like that, and you shall find yourself with a chakram sticking out of your head, blondie.

 

 She walked back to her car seeing Marluxia in her CD collection. Normally, she didn’t let anybody touch her CD’s, but she let it slide this time.

 

Marluxia: …So, I am obsessed with the color pink, and now I’m a singer?

Demyx: No, no, no. The question is, why does Larxene have a CD with Marluxia’s songs in her collection?

 

*ker-snip!* Marluxia goes through a long process of choosing a song, and Larxene calls him “Mr.Petals”… Nuff’ said.

 

Axel, Roxas, and Demyx were perhaps having the times of their lives. They were either laughing, doing voice-impressions, or dissing random members of the Organization.

 

Demyx: *as himself* A Nobody walks into a bar with a Heartless and a Neoshadow…

Everyone else: We’ve heard that joke already, Demyx.

Demyx: *pouts*

 

“Hey, Axel can I take a look at your CD collection?” Roxas asked, still laughing from the last diss Axel said. Axel nodded.

“Knock yourself out,” He told Roxas.

 

Roxas: Thank you, Axel! *takes random CDs and knocks himself out, literally*

Axel: *points to fainted Roxas* Can he do that? I can’t suffer this all by my own!

MCP: *shocks Roxas back to consciousness* Users cannot sleep through the badfic, nor can Users knock each other or themselves out with compact discs, or CD’s.

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